Make Shitting Yourself Great Again

It should go without saying that the United States, under president Donald J. Trump, has turned into a monumental shitshow. And not just figuratively, but literally as well.

This was of course long-expected, largely because all empires eventually reach their zenith and in turn embark upon their descent via a period of (sometimes chaotic) collapse. A closer look into the real-time collapse of the American empire is, however, another story for another time. In the meantime it's appropriate to note though that Trump is but a mere symptom of a collapsing system, his 2015 descent down his golden escalator and simultaneous debut onto the American political scene having crystallized the point in time in which his American acolytes fawned while the United States turned into a (morbid) laughing stock in the eyes of millions of non-Americans around the world.

But although there isn't a particular concurrent event that marks the point in which much of the world pulled out its collective popcorn to gawk at the slow-moving train-wreck (while simultaneously hoping that the inevitable ripple effects wouldn't branch out so far so as to decimate their maize harvests via fertilizer shortages, diesel shortages, and/or droughts/floods that the effects of climate breakdown is only worsening), there are however a myriad of ways in which the United States has turned into a festering shitshow, the first of which this introductory piece will take a look at.

Although it's true that Trump is but a mere symptom of the United States' imperial collapse, that doesn't dismiss the fact that the root of corruption often comes from poor leadership at the top. Translated into American terms, it's not so much that that "the fish rots from the head on down" but rather that the populace shits itself from the president on down.

To be sure, American politics is rife with crass smears and innuendo, particularly the misogynist sort – such as when a crease in the pants of a female politician or the wife of a male politician is presented as proof by off-their-rocker Republican supporters that said individual has a male appendage and therefore isn't actually a woman. (This tranche of trashy Republicans sometimes extend this "courtesy" to foreign politicians and their wives as well, a recent case in point being that with French president Emmanuel Macron's wife Brigitte Macron.) Occasionally these lies come from the opposite side of the aisle, such as the time during the 2024 presidential election when a Twitter user didn't so much lie but rather started the obvious hoax (which went more than viral) that then-VP candidate J.D. Vance liked to have sex with couches.

Occasionally these lies and hoaxes may actually contain a grain of truth to them, case in point being the unsubstantiated yet plausible hoax/non-hoax that Trump not only wears adult diapers, but often soils himself as well.

This "joke" gained traction and trended #1 on Twitter in late-2020 courtesy of a short video released by the American progressive media company MeidasTouch, the video featuring the New York-based standup comic Noel Casler who, without corroboration, claimed that Trump "would often soil himself on the Apprentice set" due to all the amphetamines and cocaine he'd (purportedly) done in the past.

While the clip was unsurprisingly shared on Twitter by Hollywood liberals such as Rosie O'Donnell and John Leguizamo, those amplifications were coupled with two video clips and an image subsequently shared on Twitter by MeidasTouch's Ben Meiselas of which supposedly corroborated some of Casler's comments. Much more "evidence" paralleling the aforementioned claims has been shared on social media over the years, the following small sample representing just a tiny portion of that available online:

• a video of Trump purportedly soiling himself while standing in front of a White House column
• a photo of Trump taken during a recent interview he did with 60 Minutes that purportedly shows the outline of an adult diaper
• the wrinkling of the nose of an individual sitting behind Trump at Lindsey Graham's funeral as being indicative that the president had soiled himself
• a video showing the aftermath effects of the president-elect having supposedly soiled himself while attending the grand reopening of the Notre-Dame cathedral in Paris in December of 2024, all of which is based on "sources", on a woman happening to touch/rub her nose while sitting behind Trump, and on other people having smirks on their faces while looking in Trump's vicinity (as seen in the video clip directly below)

More recently we have the case of former far-right cable host Natalie Harp, whose job has been to keep Trump's spirits up by printing out and handing him nothing but ego-boosting/reaffirming items from the internet, earning herself the distinction of being nicknamed the "human printer". While Harp is actually more of a psychological pacifier than a human printer, it should come as no surprise that a real image of Harp with a fellow communications aide carrying a bag (with white contents showing) was doctored several times over, some versions not only showing Harp carrying the bag (with a man in military uniform by her side instead of the other aide) but sometimes even showing Trump in the background. Never mind "human printer" or even "psychological pacifier", because in certain circles, and partially in thanks to these fraudulent images, Harp has instead took on the moniker of being Trump's "diaper nurse".

Harp wasn't the only female aide of Trump's to be wrapped up in diaper-gate, outgoing White House press secretary Karoline Leavitt having recently shared on Twitter a short video clip that depicted what was seen by many as being a strange bulge on Trump's backside, what presumably could be a "clothing malfunction", some kind of equipment (an exoskeleton device?), or...?

Suffice to say, with the plethora of rumours and theories going around, and with Trump being no less than an octogenarian, it's most certainly not beyond the realm of possibility that Trump could in fact be suffering from incontinence issues, something that although not a laughing matter nor something that should be used to ridicule someone with, has nonetheless added to the reasoning for a growing tide of people around the world to not only see Trump as even more of a laughing stock, but to see the United States itself as even more of one as well.

The United States (and its political system and politicians themselves) being made into a laughing stock isn't a recent issue by any means, the joke-for-the-social-media-era that 2024 Democratic vice presidential candidate Tim Walz landed during his first campaign speech exemplifying the inanity that makes up American politics today. (In case you missed it, the joke worked off the J.D. Vance couch-fornication hoax, in which Walz stated that "I can't wait to debate the guy. That is, if he's willing to get off the couch and show up".)

In much the same vein, it's very well possible that Democratic nominee for Michigan Senate, Abdul El-Sayed, is effectively operating from the same playbook (mocking Trump for something that he thinks/knows isn't true) via his response to a relayed comment of Trump's that he (El-Sayed) is "full of shit" with "at least I don't let mine go in the middle of the Oval Office".

Which, coincidentally, was exactly what was depicted in a still from the opening sequence of the recent AI-generated "Stinky Donny" LEGO video by Islamic State / IRGC supporters, a video that wouldn't have just been seen by Michiganders but potentially by audiences around the world, many of whom find themselves struggling to straddle the line between (a) shaking their heads in disappointment and (b) laughing their asses off at the absurdity and level of dysfunction currently existent in the United States.

On top of all that it'd also be remiss to not relay the time that former president Barack Obama got in on the antics a couple of years ago with an "un-said insult", setting up a joke and then letting an audience member finish the punchline, claiming, with a snicker, that he'd decided to not say it himself.

Regardless of how much – if any – of the aforementioned is actually true (much of which certainly isn't), the fact that the United States' previous (also octogenarian) president was also accused (albeit rather weakly) of having soiled himself in public goes to show, at the very least, how unserious of a country the United States is. Be it because it routinely elects presidents so old that they're on the cusp of early-onset dementia, to asinine social media ruling the day so much that subsequent presidents soiling themselves is what routinely passes for common public discourse in the country.

So while the easy and reasonable thing to do would be to dismiss all the aforementioned incontinence-related issues as little more than online hearsay, it turns out that some die-hard Republicans have not only not fought back against the scatological claims with counter claims of their own (nor called out anti-Trumpers as liars), but have instead embraced and even championed the notion that Trump is a chronic shit-disturber. Because along with adoring fans wearing bandages over their ears at the Republican National Convention in cult-like fashion following the attempted assassination of Trump in Butler, Pennsylvania, Trump fans have not only (seemingly) admitted to Trump's wardrobe "upgrades", but have outright celebrated them.

Because as absurd as it all sounds, said celebrations have come not only in the form of Trump acolytes donning "Real Men Wear Diapers" hats and t-shirts, but also via the wearing of adult diapers over their pants and shorts, all of which has presumably been undertaken with the intention of elevating the status of their cult hero and to once again "own the libs" (as they're wont to say).

While the logical thing to do would presumably be to dismiss all the aforementioned allegations as utter nonsense, the fact that a large enough tranche of die-hard Republicans are giddily embracing Trump's penchant to (supposedly) shit himself silly kinda makes one second-guess whether or not there might actually be some veracity to all this shit talk. Is Trump truly the United States president that's finally making shitting yourself great again?

Possibly.

Regardless, for those disappointed for having missed out on all the fun, the good news is that you can confidently turn that frown upside-down. Because lo and behold it actually isn't too late to join up with this fashionable iteration of the MAGA cult, seeing how if you act now it appears that you too can own your very own "Real Men Wear Diapers" hoodie, sweatshirt, tank-top, and more!

So step on up all you Trump-turd-loving faecophilia-fanatics, because if you'd like to try on any of the aforementioned garments before purchasing, please feel free to slip into one of the recently renovated change rooms available in the new and improved Trump Towers. You've never seen anything like it!